Where does love begin when we come to earth?
Our connection with our mother is symbiotic, we share breath, food and drink through her womb while experiencing her emotional states. The first separation we undergo is at birth, where we begin to realise our individuality and that we are not an extension of our mother. As we grow and discover ourselves, the purity of unconditional love we once knew is obscured by the conditional nature of our parents' affection. We learn what is acceptable or not, receive praise or reproach, thus familiarising ourselves with the concept of duality. Whether we learn our limits or not, we remain enmeshed in our mother's love.
The non-healing wounds of her family's soul are an obstacle to providing you as a child with the acceptance, love, support, affection, security and unconditional love you need to thrive. The absence of these fundamental aspects of unconditional love can be overwhelming for a child, who may resort to adaptive behaviours such as perfectionism, pleasing people or isolation to cope with this lack.
As we grow older, we form coping mechanisms that stay with us unless we address the emotional injuries they result from. On a subconscious level, these mechanisms lead us to partners who share similarities with our parents. This cycle is an opportunity to process our past traumas and find healing. If our relationship with one partner fails, we keep looking for opportunities to learn and grow with someone new.This is how we heal ourselves.
Another form of love arises when we stop seeking this inner wholeness through our partner and start healing our own inner wholeness. Because only when we unconditionally love and accept our true nature, qualities and dark sides: only then can we love from the heart. When we stop trying to be perfect, please, or hold back. When the love in our hearts can flow fully, we can recognise ourselves in everyone. The more love we develop for ourselves, the easier it is for us to feel love for another human being. It also makes it easier to share love with others. Because sharing love is the only way sharing is multiplied.
In a loving relationship, we encounter our own vulnerability, and by sharing it, we build intimacy. People with polyamorous love can feel the love of multiple people at the same time and maintain multiple close love relationships. More love means more mirrors to look into. In a polyamorous relationship, it is no longer possible to avoid your dark side. You inevitably encounter them.
Even in a monopoly relationship, you cannot avoid triggering your partner on your other half. Any challenge in love invites you to face your dark sides and expose them to the light. It requires you to engage with your issue. Often the underlying healing process is at an existential level and touches on issues like the right to be, and themes of wanting to be heard, to be seen and to be allowed to be present. Transforming these deeper beliefs is the task we unconsciously want to avoid.
If you want help in your relationship or want to change something quickly
Can you also ask me for a consultation?
I use Surinamese Gypsy divination cards or Sranang Tarot
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